I'm really not feeling football this week. I gave it my all last week, so this week I'm all like "blaueeghghg." So don't expect anything exciting.
Eugh. So, Bordeaux vs. Lyon. What happened there, eh? Well, Plan "Us" didn't go down too well with one particular Bordeaux player, because he tried to steal the pitch, and as such, Planus got booked in the 50th minute. Other than that, I can't really make any puns. The final score was 1-0 to Bordeaux. Fun.
Sigh.
I can't even be motivated with the use of puns for this one. There are literally none. I'm just going to go ahead and say that Paris Saint-Germain drew with Montpellier 2-2. There. That wasn't exciting at all. It was equal throughout both halves. Literally. Paris scored at 41 minutes, so then four minutes later Montpellier scored. Montpellier then scored at 82 minutes, so Paris scored six minutes later. THAT'S NOT EXCITING. THAT'S JUST TO AND FRO. However, that did sound like a match report.
Now, you see, this one looks like a good game. In fact, it looks like a very good game. Rennes were pretty much sitting on their arses for the entire thing, because St Etienne kicked their... I don't want to say arses twice, and St Etienne couldn't kick them anyway because Rennes were sitting on them. See? Anyway, look at the goal scorers names (they all play for St Etienne by the way). In the 24th minute Mignot scored the only goal in the first half. But then in the second half Batlles had a right challenge ahead of him (you might even say, a batlle), but despite that he scored in the 53rd minute. Whoo! Bakary Sako baked up some mean... sako when he scored in the 67th minute. And then of course Gradel was certainly cradling a semi when he scored in the 78th minute, bringing the final score to 4-0. You see that? Not only was that an amazing match report, but it also included puns.
Aaaaaannnnddd back to a boring game. Yawn. This game even has Brest in it, but I can't make that joke every week. Can I? No, I can't. They played against AC Ajaccio and no goals were scored. Yay.
Well, at least there are some cool names in this game. Let's just get the score out of the way. Caen 2-2 Evian Thonon Gaillar. We good? Right. Frau? Frau, what are you doing on the pitch? You know this is a men's sport right? Come on, get back in the kitchen. No don't kick the ball! Shit! It went in! They're counting that? But it's two minutes into half-time! Alright, fine. I'm not one to judge. Well done Caen for picking a Frau to do your dirty work. Oh wait, that's not even the best bit. Evian have got pirates scoring for them. Barbosa fucking scored in the 50th minute. He probably stabbed some people to secure that. I mean, it's not like he can move around a lot with only one leg. Ooh, someone finally caught out Rippert for raping and murdering slags in White Chapel. He got booked for it. Seems like he's been let off really.
Argh! Exciting score but no puns! Nice weren't being too nice (ooh, spoke too soon) this game, because three of their players got booked, and that didn't help them at all. They didn't score any goals. However, Dijon, in all their niceness (irony), scored three goals, leaving the final score at 3-0.
Okay, bored now.
Lille beat Lorient 1-0. Debuchy scored in the 76th minute.
Marseille 1-1 Valenciennes. Gil scored in the 51st minute for Valenciennes, and Diarra scored in the 16th minute for Marseille. That actually sounds pretty exciting. Marseille scored in the first few minutes, making the Valenciennes fans scared, and then Valenciennes scored in the first few minutes of the second half. I bet the entire game was pretty tense.
Toulouse didn't lose this week! Instead, they beat Nancy 3-0. Exciting stuff. Well done, Toulouse. Nope, no interesting names though.
Ah, and the last game of the week. Well, actually, it was the first, but because they're in reverse order on the BBC I do them in reverse order as well. I'm just so lazy. Like the French. Ah, you thought you'd get away without a "the French are lazy" joke in there somewhere. Well guess again. Anyway, it's actually a pretty fucking boring game. Not surprised really, because it's the first game. It should really build up. In fact, if you read from bottom to top then my match reports get more and more interesting, and the games get more exciting. Huh, go figure. Anyway, Sochaux 0-0 Auxerre. See? Boring. Although the player who got booked for Sochaux is called Martin. Just Martin. That seems a bit of a ... boring name for a French ligue player. Martin is the guy who fixes your boiler, not a footballer. Hah.
Anyway, that's that for another week.
Pete out.
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