Ligue 1 - 30th January 2012

Okay, so you know when the FA Cup happens in Britain and the Premiere League happens at the same time? So your favourite team could be playing in like eight games in one week and you're really disappointed because you can't afford the £8,000,000 it would cost to go and see them? Luckily, there isn't that problem in France. French teams can only do one game per week. So yeah, the French Ligue 1 took a week off because another league happened.

In fact, I heard on the grapevine that French teams used to do both of these things at the same time, but then all of the teams had a strike and drove the French football market down the toilet temporarily (although from the smells of France, it seems like when they drove it down the toilet they just went ahead and followed because they couldn't be bothered bringing it back up), so they decided that if leagues clashed, one league would have to sit out for a week. 

So that's a very long and convoluted way of telling why I wasn't able to post last week. But to be honest, I need to stretch this post out a bit because these games look boring.

Yay, football!

Despite having an amazing name, Evian Thonon Gaillar played the most boring game in the world against Bordeaux. There were only two bookings. Just two. At least the guy who was booked for Evian Thonon Gaillar is called Rippert, which makes him sound like a really suspicious guy from the 1880's. A particular guy who was in Whitechapel, London in 1888. You may have changed your name, Jack, but I'm on to you.

Ooh, this looks slightly more interesting. The score was 1-1 at half time. There were four bookings. A classic return from one of the most famous players in France, Montano. Still haven't guess which game I'm talking about yet? It was Rennes vs. Marseille, you nincompoop. Marseille scored in the second half, making the final score 1-2.

Ah. That thing has happened where the same thing has happened. Yup, four bookings. 2-1 at full time. Although, Lasne did get sent off in the second half, which probably means he's striking for a while. No, you see they don't have match bans in France. The players deliberately injure other players in protest so that they get some legitimate time off to strike. Clever, right? Anyway, this was of course the AC Ajaccio vs Valenciennes game, where Ajaccio scored two and Valenciennes blah blah. Although the player who scored for Valenciennes is called Aboubakar. You know, that sounds suspiciously like a guy from a long time ago... but it was in a galaxy far, far away. You may have changed your name, Admiral, but I'm on to you. I've laid a trap that you'd never suspect.

I'm already bored. 

Nancy beat Auxerre 3-1, but all of the goals were scored in the second half! How cool is that? Auxerre were clearly playing it rough though, getting three players booked. Violence never solved anything, Auxerre, didn't WWI tell you that? 

HAH. Can I make a pun from Paris Saint-Germain 1-0 Brest? No? Damn. Day: ruined. I always look forward to the Brest games. Two weeks ago was amazing. Guess that won't happen for another year. Sad face. At least the player who got booked for Brest is called Ewolo. That's a cool name. 

I'd paris Saint-Germain's brest. I DID IT. 

What's this? A penalty that led to a goal? In all my weeks of chit-chatting about French football, I have never once come across a goal that was scored by a penalty kick. What makes this game even more interesting it that all of the goals were scored in the second half. Whether that was because of squad changes or something, I don't know, but something happened to Lille when they scored 3 goals against St Etienne, and they scored nothing.

BORING GAME. Lorient 1-1 Sochaux. Yawn. But wait, the guy who scored for Lorient is called Romao. You know, that reminds me of a guy from Verona in the 1500s... A guy who fell in love with someone he really shouldn't have fallen in love with. You may have changed your name, son of Montague, but I'm on to you. 

There was a guy who got booked in the Lyon vs. Dijon game called Umtiti. *Snigger* Oh, I should probably mention that Lyon wiped the floor with Dijon, making the final score 3-1. Umtiti. What a silly name. You know, that actually reminds me of a guy that ... Oh no wait, no it doesn't. Never mind. 

Montpellier beat Nice 1-0. Come on, Montpellier, that's not very Nice. 

PUN. 

And we round things off with a very one-sided game. Toulouse beat Caen 1-0. But from this match whatsit on the BBC, it looks like Caen just weren't interested. Aurier of Toulouse tried to beat some of the players up, but they were so not bothered that the players just got out of their way. Aurier eventually managed to get booked in the 69th minute, but it hardly seems worth the effort if I'm honest. 

So, that was another week of football. Did you feel like you got kicked in the balls, footballs, this week? Oh, that's good to know. 

Pete out.