Ligue 1 - TRANSFER NEWS

Uhm. I uh... I've never bothered to look at transfers before. Well, I do know one thing.

DAVID BECKHAM IS MOVING TO PARIS SG.

Yes, in a startling move, David Beckham, the once hero of Great Britain, is moving to France.

Off the top of my head I couldn't tell you how much he was bought for, but I can tell you that he's being paid like £700,000 a ... week? Wait, was it a week? Yeah, it was. Was it? Yes, definitely a week.

So, Davey B, you're getting £700,000 a week to put up with the French? They're paying you to play football, not to work, so you won't need to worry about being the only person in France who appears to have a job. Don't worry, Beckster, they do all have jobs, and they are all paid handsomely.

Oh, but you will have to watch out for the constant bombardment of anti-depressants in the officially most depressed (in terms of people, not ecological deformation) country on the planet.

Oops.

You know how Beckham moving to PSG is quite literally the biggest piece of transfer news going right now? Hah, you'll never guess what. He's extending his stay at LA Galaxy to help spread the name of football in America and to keep his family happy.

So uh... this is awkward...

DAVID BECKHAM IS NOT MOVING TO PARIS SG.

And... umm... that's the transfer news, I guess. No! I shall use the internet!

Okay. That failed. I searched for France football transfer news and Yahoo gave me their page, that in the URL looked to be correct, mainly because it uses the words "france" and "transfers" but it gave me news about freaking Premier League! Disgraceful!

Oh, Paris Saint-Germain has a new coach, Carlo Ancelotti. And as you may know, he used to be the boss of Chelsea. I think. Yeah, I'm correct. Who knows what this means for PSG? Maybe when the football starts again, PSG will win some games, because they might be on a loss/win/drawing streak right now. Or they're not on a streak.

God I should have learned more about football before doing this job.

Okay, this is fruitless. The only things that have happened in French football have been that Paris Saint-Germain sacked their old boss, got a new one, and have had a host of amazing players turn them down because they're too loyal to their current cities. Players like David Beckham and Didier Drogba. Drogba is sticking with Marseille. Does Drogba play for Marseille? Well, that's what the news told me. When did that happen? I swear he played in the Premier League... Never mind, all you need to know is that he also is not going to move to PSG.

Good.

So the official word on the transfer street is that literally nothing is happening. Good.

Pete out.