I'm so out of my depth that the bottom looks like a tiny speck.
So, French football, in the ... whateverth week of Ligue 1. Things are really kicking off. Well, I would hope they are because this is football, where 'things kicking off' is literally the start of the game.
Well in a land where strikers are abundant, there were sure a lot of goals scored this week. (Did you like my pun? I thought it was good. See it's funny because the French workforce are always on strike, and striker is the footballing term for the forward-most player who kicks the round thing at the big rectangular net)
AC Ajaccio did well this week, scoring 1-0 against Rennes. You know what was great about this score? Diaware scored in the eighty-third minute. And I know it was a pretty tense match, because there were flipping loads of bookings in both the first and second half. Basically after the thirtieth minute, all pretences were down and it turned from football to footfoot.
Bordeaux (a town named because it was on the border) had a player called Sane, who (as his name suggests) kept his wits about him and scored in the twenty-second minute against Sochaux, making the final score 1-0.
Despite the final score of 0-0 between Paris SG and Lille, the game wasn't anything less than exciting. The names of all of the four people booked are hilarious. With Camara being snapped off the pitch after only nine minutes.
I love puns.
So, what happened on the 17th of December? Well, a woman's Brest won 1-0 against Auxerre. Bruno Grougi scored a penalty at the thirty fourth minute, which isn't really anything to be proud of. I mean, I know that no English person ever can score a penalty, but I personally don't think it's that hard. It's a goal waiting to be scored. Either way, I just said that so I had something to flesh out this match report with.
Nancy beat Caen 2-1, with a half-time score of 1-0, so it's pretty safe to assume that exactly the same things happened in both halves. And what do you know! Bookings for Caen: one in the ninth minute, and then one in the fifty-eighth minute. Okay, due to the other team having five bookings, we can't really say that the exact same thing happened in both halves there... but two in the first half and three in the second half helps bring my point home. Also, I don't know what a Karaboue is, but Loosemy wants you to let go of it. For clarification of that joke, Loosemy Karaboue scored in the third minute.
Who knew football could be so hilarious?
St Etienne beat Dijon 2-1 in almost exactly the same way as previously reported. Yup, 1-0 at half time blah blah. There were four bookings, but they all happened in the second half. And Dijon received three of those bookings. They were pretty well spaced out actually, occurring at 63, 76 and 84 minutes respectively. It's almost like they planned it... In fact, St Etienne's booking happened at 55 minutes. Huh... Odd.
So let's spice things up a little with the best team name ever, which is Evian Thonon Gaillar. Unfortunately they lost 2-1 against Lyon. "You're meant to be unbias" you say? With a name like Evian Thonon Gaillar, I think I have the right to be bias. In any case, it also turned out to be a pretty interesting match. The second half really heated up after the score of 1-1, with three booking happening all at the same time-ish and in the last six minutes, a player from each team was even sent off. Defecate the bed.
Ooh, this match looks even more interesting. Marseille beat Lorient 2-1, and it's not even like Marseille were playing a hard game. With three bookings and two players sent off, Lorient were really playing dirty. And for a while it looks like it would pay off. They scored in the 77th minute, but then Marseille clawed back in the last ten minutes, and Valbuena and Cheyrou both scored (Cheyrou five minutes into extra time). I can hear you salivating at how juicy that game sounded.
My my, the French do play rough. With a grand total of seven bookings and one sent off, the game between Montpellier and Toulouse was a toughie. Dernis scored for Montpellier in the 7th minute, and M'Bengue scored for Toulouse just before half time. Then the spats began after half time, which didn't really help either team because the final score was 1-1.
The final (or first, I may have done this in reverse chronological order, but if I have it's not my fault because it's my first time) is the game between Nice and Valenciennes. Nice. No, I didn't just randomly say the name of one of the teams, I was just commenting on how awesome the names of the teams are. I'm pretty sure the atmosphere of this game was tense. Valenciennes got a booking in the twenty-second minute when Kadir presumably did something wrong. There is something odd about this game though. After Mouloungi or Nice got booked, Bong of Valenciennes responded by also getting booked, but then they just backed off, allowing Mounier of Nice to score in the sixty-eighth and ninety-third minute, leaving the final score at 2-0.
Well this has been an exciting week of football in the laziest country since Madagascar, hasn't it? I say Madagascar is lazy, purely because it hasn't got any people in it, and therefore no industry, and therefore no work. It is a separate world, that cares about no one but itself. Kind of like France, come to think of it.
I'm Peter Hutchinson, and I heavily stereotype the French.
Pete out.
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